Europe, finally!

Traveling is very important to me at this point in my life.  My kids are still somewhat young, but I'm not as young, and there are things I want to see and do while I'm still healthy and active.  I don't want to wait till they are grown, because so many things can change.  Life really is NOW. 

I've always desired to travel, of course, and I've done a little travelling, but too many years have passed without me actually going to my dream destination:  Europe.  I've longed to go and experience the sights and history there since I was a young girl, but just haven't worked it out to get there as of yet.  Spain has always held a particular appeal for me, because I am so drawn by the passion and pathos of their culture, which is so evident in their music and dance.  I've mentioned many times how I love Flamenco.  I almost went to Spain back in 1994, but I took a 3 month train trip around the United States instead.  I then planned to go to Spain in 2011, but my sales early in the year prevented that trip. 

Now, here at the start of 2012, and after finishing 2011 strongly, I'm prepared to make a trip.  But, surprisingly, not to Spain!  Quite an opposite kind of place, really (but maybe I should withold any judgement until I get there.)  I'm going to ... Switzerland!  Life is funny in that it really surprises you sometimes.  This time the surprise came through a friend I met many years ago in Homer, AK.  Sabine Schatterling and I met when she was visiting AK.  We became friends and traveled to Anchorage to see Stevie Ray Vaughn not long before he was killed in a airplane crash.  We took mini adventures in my Jeep and enjoyed dancing together at the big end of Summer Homer/KBBI Concert on the Lawn.  She is part of my wonderful memories of that special place.  We reconnected on Facebook in 2009, and not long after that I became acquainted with another friend of hers who also holds fond memories of Homer.  His name is Remo Meyer, and he spent time in Homer after I left there.  I don't remember exactly how, but it was through Sabine on Facebook that he and I became acquainted.  He is a joyful, lively person who loves his dog, Kenai, and seems to enjoy experiencing life very fully and deeply.  I like him very well.  My friendship with him has grown over time and now I find myself eager to pay this delightful man a visit in his own country.  He says he is happy to host me, and I cannot wait to see this beautiful country and meet my friend in person!

Remo's home in the canton of St. Gallen

I will write more about my plans as they fully unfold.  I'm so happy to have something like this to look forward to in the coming months.  Life is so good!

Now...to get a passport!

Long time no write.

So many times I've come here to write, and so many times I've opted not to.  Just wasn't feeling it.  Truth be known, work has been very challenging this year, and ever since I was sick for a month and a half back in January, I've been feeling a bit low.   I think because I lost some of my fitness and let the stress of work knock me back even further in that regard. 

I'm not even sure what I want to write about;  I just know that I've never been completely knocked down, nor do I plan to be, and I want to get the juices flowing again. Maybe if I just start.

Another problem with writing is that my home computer is not running well, so usually I just don't feel like trying to get on it.  Also, my camera lens has been broken since our Spring Break trip to Kah Nee Tah, when the ability to focus and zoom went away.  Feels like something, like a grain of sand or something, might have gotten into the mechanism.  In any case, I've not gotten it repaired, and it's been a strange Spring and Summer without photography.  I miss it, and have a harder time wanting to post in my blog without pictures. 

That said, I feel good right now.  I have been keeping my head above water and have been regaining some clarity about things I'd gotten fuzzy about for a while during all of the stress this year.  I've also been finding new questions to ask myself about what direction I want my life to take.  I feel like I'm in a cycle of change right now, and that is always exciting and sometimes scary - but I haven't figured out what exactly what the change specifically is right now. 

Maybe tonight I'll try and post pics from the Kah Nee Ta trip, since nobody's seen those, and I'll start thinking about the specific things I want to tackle, and take it one topic at a time...

I swore I'd never do it again...

...but my kids begged and begged until I rather spontaneously gave in and and went to the humane society, ostensibly, to "look."  But we didn't just look.  I wound up falling for and adopting some grown kitties for them last weekend.  I found myself a little shocked at what I had done, considering how much I had been against this for so long.  I just hadn't wanted more to look after.  Yet, here we are with two new family members, and my kids are so delighted.

Turns out they are really nice cats who have shown no bad habits since they've been here for about a week.  They always use the litter box, and as was promised, Stella scoops it twice a day.  They scratch their scratch pads only and play with their toys.  The kids are enjoying them so well, and don't ask me to be on the computer nearly as much as they had been, because they play with the cats so much.  And they have been great about feeding, watering and brushing the cats, too.

Each cat has its own unique personality and good looks.  Cassie is all black, very elegant, and is very, very sweet.  Her personality reminds me of my cat, Leonard, in that she likes to be near us, usually finding a spot to hang out within close proximity of anyone reading or watching tv on the sofa.  She's very mellow, and was completely unphased by our black lab, Molly, when they met.  Also like Leonard, she doesn't climb all over you to show affection;  she simply gives you a gentle head-butt from time to time.  Did I mention she's elegant, gorgeous and very fluffy and soft?  I really, really like her. 

Roger, the grey and white kitty, is younger and more active.  He is somewhat aloof and independent, except when someone provides something to chase.  Then he's wants to be wherever you are with the toy.  At 2 years old, he is still very playful and entertains the kids endlessly!  And, I think he is starting to warm up to us more, too, and he's quite handsome himself.  Neither of them seem to mind being inside all the time, which I'm glad of, since they really need to be at home here for awhile.

My only bad feelings about this decision are that I put the cart before the horse when I impulsively adopted these cats. I had a brief conversation, some months ago with the property manager of the house I rent, in which he said he could ask the owners if it was alright to have cats.  I was just testing the waters, still not really keen on actually getting cats, though I was being pressured by my children.  He never said yes, and I should have waited till I talked with him again, and obtained permission.  I feel badly that I acted impulsively and then had to call him after the fact to ask if what I had done was ok.  I put him on the spot, and I'm not proud of that.  Not sure what I was thinking.  When I called to tell him what I'd done, he did say it was ok and was very nice about it, but I think he felt resentful that I had handled it that way.  I certainly don't blame him for that.  To make it worse, this is a friend - the father of one of Stella's good friends from school.  He's someone I respect and really like.  I felt very relieved that he let me slide by allowing the cats, because I knew how disappointed the kids would be if we couldn't keep them, but I am ashamed of myself all the same.

Today he let me know via text that he was surprised I had two.  The Monday after I got them, I called him to tell him about both, but apparently I wasn't clear, so I've got a knot in my stomach about that now, too.   I've confirmed that there are, indeed, two, and that they are well-behaved, but he hasn't responded back to me to let me know if everything is still OK.  I hate this awkwardness, and feel I don't have a leg to stand on in defending my actions.  I wish I could have a do-over.

How can pretty, fun creatures like these represent so much agony in my heart right now?



Stella named her "Cassandra," and we also call her "Cassie."



Her fur has been shaved on her back near her tail, because she had wounds which needed treatment.

Cassie LOVES these little furry balls with the tinsel sticking out.

Starting to get frisky with it...

POUNCE!

"What's that noise?"

Love her big, gold eyes. 

This is Roger, whom Stella also named.

I need to trim Roger's collar.  He has quite the intense look, doesn't he?

I'm so grateful that both of these characters really love these scratch pads.

Handsome boy relaxing on my bed for the first time, today.

This is my favorite photo of Roger.  Notice how my bedspread pattern looks like kitty head, and the green matches his eyes!

First Dance

Stella got all prettied up for her first dance tonight. She and her Dad have a date to the Daddy/Daughter Dance at the Southwest Community Center. They joined her two best friends and their dads for a masquerade ball and other fun. I can't believe how much Stella's growing up. She looked lovely tonight and so did her friends. All beautiful, wonderful girls. The dads all looked handsome and proud - and they rode off together in style! 





Being

I've been very content these days, and it if weren't so late, I'd likely try to capture my feelings about it more poetically. For now I just feel the need to mark the realization that I've just been comfortable in my skin for weeks on end, it seems.  Work has been both demanding and rewarding, and there have been some ups and downs at home..  I'm not as fit as I'd like to be, though I've enjoyed working on fixing that. There are areas of my home which I'd really like to better organized, even as I create lovely spaces in others parts of the house.  I 've been stepping outside of some of my norms by hiking with new people, and also remembering to take more time alone at other times.  Life has not really changed dramatically, but there have been splashes of real change and also tiresome old problems that crop up still, but despite the sometimes chaotic flow of life around me, both good and bad, I'm finding that, at my core, I am still and quiet and peaceful. 

I like this sense of quietude at the center of me.   I am calm and observant and unworried.  It's been there before, that nugget of calm at my core, but it seems it's growing and affecting more of my life every day.  I see it in how I handle setbacks, and how I react to good tidings and postive excitement, too.  I can smile inwardly and enjoy things without worrying what will be next.  I am relaxed and confident in my dealings with people, and I don't give anything or anyone over much thought, except to engage things and people in the current moment.  I like being present and centered like this.  I find I make new friends and enjoy old ones very easily when I'm like this - even more so than usual. I feel no nervous self-consciousness.  I'm just me, here and now, and I'm finding that people truly like talking to me and I enjoy them as well.  And it's all very natural and comfortable.  It has made work a very relaxed endeavor, even as I strive to stay focused and make more calls.

The more I try to explain what feels so right, the less I feel I have adequately done so.  But that's okay.  I know what I mean and I am not anxious about it.   I will go to sleep tonight with a contended, grateful heart, very much at peace with the world.

Balance and a Perfect V

I feel so good today.  I wrestled with some personal demons last night, and came out victorious.  I enjoyed a playful online interaction with my 12 year old niece yesterday evening, and that helped bring some joy back into my heart, and remind me of what's really important to me in my life.  Laughter is a very good and healing gift we humans have!  It lifted me out of my dark mood and helped me find some equilibrium.

I'm content with work here at year-end, too.  I started out so strong this year for the first half of the the year, and then had a very disappointing 3rd quarter in sales, which was tough on my confidence, and my pocketbook.  Things were difficult and financially tight as the kids were starting school.  It was a tough time, which happened when other difficult changes were happening in my life.  Included in the difficulties were some significant changes at work, which I had to adjust to.  I felt so off-balance and flailing at a critical time coming into this last quarter of the year.  For many reasons, including my own lack of focus, I just didn't see myself having the monster 4th quarter that I typically have and that I needed to hit my yearly numbers. 

I'm proud to say that I went deep into myself and addressed  some issues which were causing me to lose sight of my goals, put them to rest.   I was able to stay relaxed, calm and confident in my abilities - to close out the year strong!  I easily hit my quota for the year and am now over my 4th quarter quota and made it to the yearly bonus number as well.  I still have one last deal coming in today for another $24K.  I'm sitting pretty and feeling good about having some money to put into the bank.

As important to me as the revenue I've been able to generate for my company and make for myself and my family, are the relationships I've built and the way I've conducted myself in my dealings.  It feels good to help them, knowing that we will be a great choice to help them improve their business, but also to know that I can negotiate deals that feel good for us all.  I am much better at standing firm when it's important that I do, and I've earned the respect of my clients in the process. 

One of the best things I've heard all year was when a CEO of a firm who recently purchased our software after an intense negotiation, called me to tell me a couple of days ago, "I have enjoyed doing business with you, and am looking forward to a long relationship between our companies.  I want you to know that you do good work and are an asset to your company."  It made my week to hear that from a man who came to this country with nothing and found great success.  All the work that I've put in the be more self-directed and to rely less on my boss's feedback to know I'm doing well has paid off, and this new client's gesture was for me a symbol of my newfound confidence in myself.  He spoke to me with respect and with warmth, and it went straight to my heart.  All the money in the world would not make me happy, but to earn a living, while also helping people and developing good relationships - that completes the circle for me, and it's no wonder I almost never wake up thinking, "I don't want to go to work."

Just as I was sitting here thinking on the year's ups and downs, and my own failures and successes, feeling content that I'm still able to find some balance while striving to grow and better myself, I looked out my window to see a perfect V formation of geese flying just slightly above me, but very close.  I could see the colors of their individual feathers.   They were equidistant from each other - and just perfectly aligned.  It was a beautiful sight.  I've never seen a more perfect looking formation of geese.  And then, as they flew into the distance I saw them regroup, losing that perfect line in the process. 

Just as I know those geese in transition will achieve a perfectly balanced formation again, I know I will falter and  regain balance again myself.  This coming year will be filled with tears and laughter, darkness and light, good times and bad - and I will be able to find  balance overall.

Season of Peace and of Joy

While I'm as busy as I ever am this time of year, I have found some calm and peacefulness too, because the storm of events that had tossed me around emotionally has started to settle down.  The heartache and conflict I experienced after my decision to leave my relationship is easing up, our friendship is intact, and I'm feeling hopeful about my own future. I'm fully recovering, also, from having the apron strings severed at work - and I'm finding I have a very strong inner drive that needs no outside influence.  My fire is lit and I can keep it burning on my own!  Both my home and office moves are complete, and while there is some fine-tuning to be done at home, I am really liking the new places.

My workspace is absolutely fantastic.  I sit in what is generally considered the best seat in the sales department, a corner desk facing North looking out 4 very large windows here in the 6th floor of the our office building.  I've got close-in tree tops to my right, and they provide the backdrop for all sorts of shenanigans  by crows, finches and other fine feathered acrobats, especially when the breeze picks up.

To my left, I have a more expansive view, which allows me to stretch my eyes and watch the horizon blush when day flirts with night each morning and evening.  The fog adds another shifting dimension, and it's an ever-changing scene which makes my soul smile.  How can one be stressed out when you can see the world continuing on it's lovely way every day? 

Besides the views, I have more quiet than at my old office.  Facing North, the sun is never blinding me and I can leave the blinds all the way up and not touch them again.  I'm away from the door through which the smokers clanged incessantly at the old office, and away from the threshold to my boss's office, where there was a constant flow of traffic and lots of loud and sometimes even raucous conversation.  I can concentrate here.  I'm far more productive. It shows in my numbers and sales.  I'm also finding my own personal groove here, which isn't so dependent on the relationships I have with people in my office, although those are good, too.  I'm happy, though, that is my work is what is driving my contentment and which gives me purpose.  Helping my clients.  Doing the activities which drive revenue.  Owning my territory.  I'm grateful to have a job at all, and even more so to have one which satisfies me so well and allows me to care for my family and enjoy some of the niceties of life.

Speaking of niceties, I've been enjoying some good times lately and am planning more.  I've recently gone wine tasting in Hood River with a fun group of friends, and I have been enjoying viewing art with another newer friend.  We are planning to go up to Tacoma and Seattle for a change of scene in January.  I've joined a hiking MeetUp group and have signed up for a couple of trips, including a snowshoe trip to Mirror Lake at the end of December.  I'm looking forward to getting some outside Winter exercise.

I'm still planning on traveling to Spain next Fall, and a couple of friends have offered to help me practice Spanish over the next several months.  I'm ordering Rosetta Stone in December! 

Right around the corner is a fun trip to Chicago.  My friend, Vincent, the satirist and playwright who visited me here in Portland recently, has a play opening up soon in Chicago, and I've decided to treat myself for my birthday by traveling there to see it!  I'm going for four days, and plan to visit the Art Institute of Chicago, which is my favorite of all the art museums I've been to, including MOMA and The Met in NYC.  I can't wait to see the Impressionists again!  I'll never forget my reaction to seeing Old Man with Guitar from Picasso's Blue Period, either, so will look forward to saying hello to that old friend.  And I plan to try and see the Thorne Miniature Rooms while I'm there, since I've been told they are amazing (and I've been shown, too - Scott took some wonderful photographs of them while he was there.)  I just read that they are decorated in holiday finery during the festive Winter season.

I will also be eating dinner with Vincent, his wife and some of the friends he wants me to meet one night.  It will doubtless be a lovely evening.  I will also most definitely hit the Southside for some blues while I'm there. Kingston Mines, here I come to lose myself in your backbeats and soulful guitar riffs!  Maybe I'll check out Buddy Guy's Legends again too.  And I'll certainly ask the locals where to go.  My hips are aching to swing already!

The hotel I'll be staying in is a beautiful old hotel on the Miracle Mile, called The Inn of Chicago.  It was a real star attraction in it's day, favored by guests like Judy Garland, Bob Hope, Frank Sinatra among others.  It was also the home to the Chicago Press Club Headquarters from 1960 to 1978.  Today it has it's same old great looks, but has a very modern feel inside.  I hope I like it, but really, I won't likely spend much time there anyway.  I do look forward to seeing the Miracle Mile and all it's holiday decorations, and I might go across the street to ice skate at Millenium Park.  And although I've already taken care of our some of Christmas for the kids, I'm looking forward to finding something special for each of them in Chicago.

I could chatter on about other good things too, and even some things that are challenging, but I have to get focused here today and also have a meeting.

 The main thing I wanted to say is that life is good!

Ch..ch..ch..ch..Changes

There is SO much going on in my life and on the periphery right now.  I'm very nearly overwhelmed, and can hardly stay afloat.  At times I feel my head will simply explode.  Deserves a list (so I can get some of it out of my head):

1.  I'm moving again.  On October 16th and 17th.  I'm still not packed up at all.  Luckily the move will be a good one in the long run.  Much closer to the school - and it's a much bigger, nicer place!
2.  My company is moving our office on the SAME weekend.
3.  We also just rebranded our software and restructured how we sell it.  I'm swamped with getting the word out and changing how I talk about and present our software and company.  It's all very exciting, but exhausting as I try to digest it all.
4.  I just completed the end of 3rd quarter, closing 7 deals,  and now am jumping feet first into a brand new campaign to focus on in Q4 - which is already the biggest quarter for us historically.
5.  My divorce will finally be final this month after nearly 6 years of seperation.  My name will change back to a previous name.  This is not a huge change in practical terms, but technically things will be different, and there is a parenting class I need to complete for it all to be official and done.
6.  I ended a romantic relationship a couple of months ago, and that change is having significant impact on my emotional well-being and sense of balance.  Even when you have the best intentions to honor yourself and the other person, ending a relationship can be extraordinarily painful and exhausting.  Surprisingly so in this case. 
7.  I will have a new manager at work, since we are growing and hiring, and my sales manager is overtaxed with all his new responsibilities.  Luckily the new manager is someone I know and trust and will work well with.
8.  The kids have started a new school year, and that has brought additional challenges, especially for Annie, since the resources that were available to help her have been cut along with the budgets cuts for all schools.
9. We have just learned that our school principal is going to retire.  My kids are anxious about this, and so am I.  We really like him and he is a big reason I like our school so well.

I know there is more, but I simply cannot wrap my head around it all at this juncture.  I needed simply to get some of it out.

Checking things off...

Ever since I've moved into this little, tiny house, I've struggled to find a place for everything.  I've had boxes full of stuff stacked everywhere, and it's very annoying to me.  My carport, in particular, has been a total mess - and a huge embarrassment to me.  Since there is no garage, all the stuff has been just sitting out there for the neighborhood to see.  Today I took care of some of that.

1.  I finally set up the "Gorilla Rack" I bought from A-Boy some months ago.  That allowed me to empty the boxes of auto supplies, special cleaners, dog shampoo, bike cleaning supplies and that sort of thing, which were piled up all over the carport.  They now have their own special place, and this makes me very happy.

2.  I broke down ALL of the empty cardboard boxes from the move and set them up to go out with recycling on Monday morning.  Looks SO much better!

3.  I went to A-Boy and got some screws so the kids' dad could help me hang the heavy, white utility cabinet I bought at a garage sale around the time I was moving in here.  It hangs on one of the house sides out under the carport above the "Gorilla Rack" shelving system I set up, and it holds the kids art supplies.  Ta Daaaa!

4.  Ron also put up the bicycle hangers I bought for the carport while he was at it, too, so now the kids bikes can be put up and out the way - and locked even!  Now I have way more room in the little storage shed out back, because the bikes aren't in there.  I have put the boxes of winter boots and such, which were also sitting out on the carport, in the backyard storage shed - and out of sight!

5.  I also finally delivered the pile of stuff I had collected for Goodwill.  It looks so much better now that it's all gone and not sitting there gathering dust and cobwebs!

6.  Since Ron was here with the kids earlier, and I was trying to get other things done, he mowed the lawn for me.  It wasn't so high that I couldn't take care of it or anything like that, but it sure is nice that I don't have to mess with it again for awhile!

I feel so much better about the front of my house, even though the house itself isn't much to look at.  It's just so much more tidy than it's been.  I feel so much lighter having taken care of so much of it today.  I do have a few more things to take care of, though.

I will be calling Goodwill, or some other organization to come and pick up the derelict sofa my landlady left here.  She told me she wanted, but never did pick it up, so it's been sitting out on the carport gathering dust and getting faded out, until I covered it in a garish orange tarp.  She recently told me I could have someone come take it way, in an airy voice suggesting that she never meant for me to leave it out there.  (whatever...I'm just happy that it will be gone soon)

I think I want to put some hanging flower baskets out front, to add something bright and cheery to
this drab little, light blue box.  I will go look for something tomorrow!

Now...off for some reading.  In peace!

Color Blending

Green thoughts...
Black fears...
Red passions...
Blue tears...

Orange is my joy. 
Purple - my pain.
I've sepia memories
through bright silver rain.

The cool brown earth,
it wants me to stay.
But the golden horizon
begs me away.

Leisurely Easter Sunday Afternoon

After going to a neighborhood egg hunt/potluck, I considered heading out to see Lars and the girls, since that has been such an Easter tradition for our families in the past, but even as I ran the idea by the kids I was thinking about how nice it would be to just go home and hang out.  To read.  To daydream.  To do nothing if that's what I felt like.  To have nothing pressing, except a pile of laundry that could ultimately wait.  Imagine my happy surprise when all three kids said, "Actually, we just want to go home." 

Home.  That has a nice ring to it.  Sure, we still have a few boxes in the carport to be unpacked someday (soon, I hope) and I'm still not finished hanging shelves and art, but yes, this is our home of the moment, and being here together, relaxed  after a full day, just feels good.

Stella and I watched a Jane Austin movie I borrowed from my friend, Gina.  Persuasion is my favorite Jane Austin novel and this BBC version is my favorite Jane Austin movie.  It was deliciously good to see it again.  Sooo romantic and great acting.  Stella liked it, too!  And now, I'm thinking we need to have us a little Jane Austin movie weekend, soon!

After the movie, I read for awhile on the sofa, drifting off every now and then into a luxurious afternoon cat nap.  Felt so decadent!  Just a nice - and rare -  thing to be able to do.  If my leisure hadn't been punctuated by the occasional bickering between Annie and Evan, who were playing games on the computer, it would have been perfectly devine.

I got a text today from the daughter of a guy I dated last Summer.  It was nice to hear from her, and pretty surreal, too, since I was thinking quite a lot about her yesterday.  She's a slightly quirky, very fun, sometimes quiet, yet quite outgoing girl, and I really like her.  I was wondering how she was doing, and if she was happy.  Kind of surprised me that she had been thinking about me, too.  I'm going to have her over for dinner this week, I think.  Just need to figure out the right day when I get to my calendar tomorrow.  The kids will be so excited, since they liked her a lot, too.

I'll think about that more tomorrow, though.  Right now I'm enjoying the quiet and lack of immediate obligation.  I stopped to post this as I'm finishing up some of that laundry that still needed folding, and I'm happy to report that all the kids are asleep.  There was a bit of a battle with Evan and Annie, but I still can't believe nobody but me is awake right now at only 9:25 in the evening.  That's progress I hope to build on.

Now...off to finish up this pile of clothes so I can read myself to sleep!

Motherhood: not always thankless.

Yesterday was my Annie’s birthday party at Pump It Up, a different party than the one we had on her actual St. Patrick’s day birthday, which was at home and included just family and close family friends.
Annie hasn’t had a party with invited friends for a couple of years.   I won’t go into all the reasons, but I felt it was important that she have a special party this year. 

It was a pain to organize, because there is so much going on right now, and planning parties on top of so many other responsibilities and obligations I have right now is just not my forte.  I have to say, though – I got THE BEST reward ever for my efforts.  After the party, my beautiful, beaming little girl looked at me directly in the eyes and said,

“Mom, thank you for the party!  Pump It Up is the BEST place to have a party.  It was PERFECT!”

I will never, ever forget how good that felt to see her delight and hear her powerful, clear words about how she felt about the party.  My heart is full.  

Annie at Kah-Nee-Ta a few days ago.

Technorati Tags: motherhood,kids,life

Change of Plans

Back during the Winter months, I sat with my sweetheart across the table from an old friend of his, who in the last couple of years has really made some dramatic changes to her physical health and fitness level. It was inspiring to see how she completely reshaped herself and got back to her best and healthiest weight.  It was also really fun to hear her describe her actual exploits – she can run farther, bike farther and do many things with great strength and endurance. 

I really like this woman, and I cheer her on when she updates us on Facebook.  Considering she’s around my age, I am just so impressed with what she’s achieved and want to follow her lead.  She has truly become an athletic and very fit person, beyond merely liking activity and getting out once a week or so.  She is active on a daily basis and has really focused on her health.  Despite making enormous strides, she still continues to improve and work on it, even focusing on what she eats and preparing her own food more.
 
When she suggested Scott and I participate in a triathlon with her and a number of other mutual friends this May, the words “let’s do it!” came flowing easily out of my mouth.  I wanted the challenge.  I’m a good swimmer, love riding my bike, and felt I could run the distance with some training.   I had plenty of time to prepare, and I wanted a goal.  

Well, now I am a little over a month away from the day of the event, and I don’t feel ready.  Life got very busy with a move, and I made some logistical decisions recently which have been important for my mental health and peaceful home life which have affected my ability to to take personal time regularly.  My “training” has been very spotty and for some elements of the event, simply non-existent.  I’ve not made it to the pool even once (barring the recent trip to Kah-Nee-Ta with the kids).  I think if I had been preparing for a biking event, I’d be ready, because I like riding into work and have been doing that.  I can focus on that one thing,  and think I could even fit in longer rides on weekends.  If I had only been training for a 5K, I might have been ready, because I would have been focusing on just the running, and I have a gym and the treadmills, and some trails by my office.  Could have used my lunch break.  As it stands, I have been pulled in many directions, and have felt paralyzed and stressed out about it.  I’m never been good at spreading my energy around to many different things at once, even though I have to do it on a daily basis, just to keep things going for my household of 4.

So, now, such a short time away, I have pulled out of the triathlon to let a wait-lister participate.  I don’t like the feeling that I’ve “quit” at all.  It just doesn’t feel good.  But frankly, the idea of participating in the triathlon quit being fun and started to feel like something to dread.  I need “fun” right now, especially when it comes to my health and fitness.  I’ve decided to focus on cycling as my primary fitness tool.  It’s more fun for me than it’s ever been.  Last Summer I had a blast on my bike and I still feel so much more confident riding than I have ever before in my life.  And now I finally have the bike and the gear to really dig in and enjoy it  more.  I’m excited again about the prospect of getting more fit.  I thank Scott for pushing me in this direction.  I love that I can commute by bicycle.  It really fits with my desire to leave less of a carbon footprint, and I see real results in terms of my fitness.  I simply love that I get to work full of fantastic energy to apply to my job, and I appreciate the stress-relieving transition to my home life in the afternoons, too. 

To make up for “quitting” the triathlon, I am setting a new goal.  I want to do a MUCH longer ride this Summer.  I don’t know what yet, and I will talk with Scott about it, and see if he thinks I can do a century, and if so, if he can help me pick out a group ride to go on and help me set up a training plan.  If one thing ends, it’s important to find the next thing and keep moving forward.  I want to be ever-striving, like my inspirational friend, too!

I’ll be updating as I go!

A Springtime Evening Break

After weeks of planning to move, packing to move, running multiple times to Goodwill and the dump, actually moving, and unpacking from the move - I’m still not completely settled in here in my new little house!  No matter - I decided to take a much needed break with my sweetheart this weekend, anyway.

Thanks to my friend Lars and his girls who came over and stayed overnight with my 3 kids, Scott and I were able to head out East to stay at his parents vacation house in Brightwood, near Mt. Hood.  On the way out, we made an impromptu stop at McMenamin’s Edgefield to walk the grounds and grab a meal and some drinks.  It’s always a great place to visit, full of interesting sights and sounds.  Last night was no exception.  There was a great Bluegrass style band playing outside in a large tent under the fully lit water tower and indigo sky, They were fantastic!

We both had our cameras with us, so we not only got to enjoy the food, drinks and music, but we got to capture shots of the glass blowers at work too, and also the gorgeous early Spring blooms at twilight.   What a treat!  I still have lots to learn, but I’m really enjoying the capabilities of this camera.  I took some photos at The Edgefield years ago, shortly before I met Scott, and I didn’t have near the flexibility with my little point and shoot.  Even in low light, I was able to capture some nice images this time.  Scott took the one of me. 

If you hold your cursor over each picture, you can see the titles for each picture, and if you want to see them slightly larger, just double click on any of them. Enjoy!

This and That

Almost finished unpacking from the move.  Things are unfolding more slowly at this house, because I really am having to be careful about what I keep and creative about where I store it.  I still have boxes to go through on the carport, and shelves to hang inside.  I still need to buy new dishes, because, much to my sincere delight, my old ones were broken in the move.  I also still need to hem and iron my new bedroom drapes,  and purchase a couple of more panels for the living room window.  There are just many things that still need to happen for me to feel settled here, and I think I’m okay with that, as long as I don’t lose too much momentum.

I’m enjoying having a pretty and comfortable bedroom.  It’s cozy to snuggle in my private little oasis and read before going to sleep, and I love waking to the sunlight which streams into the large window and door which lead out onto the deck and into the backyard full of greening trees. I’m glad I finally did this for myself.  Here’s one angle:



I purchased my tickets to New Orleans last week.  Shellie and I are really looking forward to our trip at the end of May.  We can’t wait to talk to the locals, hear some good music, eat fabulous food and have a few drinks in the Big Easy.  We both look forward to photographing the architecture and enjoying the history of this old city. We are staying in the French Quarter for most of the trip and then making a quick trip into Lafayette and the surrounding areas to see Cajun Country, and my family as well.  We’ll be staying at a  cute little cottage with a screened in back porch looking out onto the Bayou Teche.  My brother has promised me a crawfish boil, and I am so looking forward to that.  I’m also looking forward to paddling a kayak in the Atchafalaya Basin, and hopefully getting some shots of cypress knees and alligators, Spanish moss and egrets.  What a great change of scene that will be!

At the end of this month, I’ll be taking a smaller trip with my kids, during their Spring Break from school.  Like last year, we will go and stay at Kahneeta Hot Springs Resort in Central Oregon.  My kids like it because they can swim all afternoon in warm water with water slides and sunshine.  I like it because I get to wake up to beautiful sunrises in the high desert, and get to take wonderful  hikes in the mornings before relaxing at in the natural hot spring water in the afternoon and evening.  On the final day, we will get up and head out to Smith Rock, which is one of my favorite places in Oregon.  Early Spring is a wonderful time to be there, before it gets overly crowded, and too warm.  I love hiking there.  Beautiful place with stunning vistas and jagged red rocks around which a gorgeous river winds.  I go back again and again in the Springtime.  Can’t wait to head out with my new camera this year!  Here’s a phone camera pic from a trip I made alone in late May/early June of 2009:





There have been all sorts of things on my mind since I last wrote, but they can’t all be tackled here and now.  I’m just happy to say I’m working out some kinks in my life and staying on track toward some important goals for myself and my family.  I’m grateful to be in touch with old friends and to have the understanding and love of so many who touch my life right here and now, too.  Even with the daily challenges, life remains so rich.

Busy!

I’ve started to write many times in the past couple of weeks since the glorious Super Bowl, but there has been so much going on that when I sit down to write, other things take my attention away, or I just don’t have the energy.  One day I literally slept the day away after having oral surgery to have a dental implant placed towards the back of my upper jaw. (surprisingly painless procedure for me!)

The primary reason I get too tired to write is I’ve been watching the Olympics.  Normally I can’t watch hours of television, but the Olympics are special.  I love them, and stay up far too late enjoying the thrill of all the various competitions.  It’s been particularly sweet this year, because Stella loves sports and is just as riveted as I am.  I remember being her age and dreaming about what it would be like to be an Olympian, and it’s fun to see her wheels turning the same way.  Her eyes lit up when I told her she could indeed compete at that level and that she just had to make it more than a dream, but also her goal and start working toward it.  She’s just the kind of person who will do it, too.  She’s now thinking about being on the Olympic Women’s Soccer team in 2020.  Just watch and see!

Besides creating a groove in my sofa while I watch the Olympic Games, I’ve been planning to move.  I have a new place here in the neighborhood, just down the street and around the corner from where I am now.  It’s a bit smaller in terms of storage space, so I am really needing to pare down and get rid of some things we don’t use.  I don’t know why, but this move is harder for me to get motivated for than some past moves.  The amount to be done feels overwhelming.  I just don’t feel like doing it. 
The good thing is that this is a “month to month” rental agreement I’m moving into, so that gives me the flexibility to buy should I find the right place for the right price here in our neighborhood.  Then I will make THE move and stay put for awhile.  It sure would be nice not to be at the mercy of people who decide to sell the place I’m renting from them.

The new place has some positives going for it.  What I lose in storage space, I gain in yard.  A FENCED yard.  I can actually let Molly be outside when I’m at work, which means, she will lose less hair in my house.  I joke that I can make a new dog out of her hair on a weekly basis – now the birds can use it in their nest construction. There is a back yard and a side yard, both fully fenced, and separated by a fence and a gate, so I can keep her in the back where she will be far less likely to scare passersby with her ferocious bark.  She is a medium sized black lab, but she sounds like a very large German Shepherd.  She’s a sweetheart, but I know she’ll simply have too much fun “talking” to people from the side yard, which goes out all the way to the street.

What I’m most excited about at the new house has less to do with the house and more to do with me finally going out and buying myself some special bedroom furniture to create a space designed for me to rest and relax in a place with good ambiance.  I’ve for too long been sleeping on an uncomfortable old mattress and box springs on the floor and haven’t created a special space for myself in my bedroom.  Well, I have now!  I went out and got a pretty bed frame from IKEA yesterday.  It’s the “Lillesande” black iron bed frame.  It’s old-fashioned looking, but isn’t overly ornate.  I love the simple, clean lines, and it looks fabulous with the antique dresser I found at a little shop in Oregon City.  Now that I’m writing this, I know I will have to post pictures soon.  The room looks so cute!  I got some bedside tables and really pretty little lamps from IKEA.  I will finally be able to read comfortably in a room that feels good and where the kids aren’t allowed for the most part.

My biggest challenge with making this bedroom look good is the one wall which the owner calls her “blackberry jam” wall, because it is the color of – you guessed it – blackberry jam.  That’s not a color I’ve ever decorated with, so I set out with a plan to find something that would complement that wall, and maybe dilute the intensity of it, too.  I decided that the only color I can imagine going with that shade of purple is green –  Mardi Gras colors! I’ve combined those two accent colors with white and off-white and it really looks good.  Sounds crazy, but I think I’ve put something together which really works.  I found a really nice “Spring” green and white duvet with sort of a tulip graphical pattern to it.  It’s hard to explain, actually, but it looks great, especially when I add a big yellow-green throw pillow and “blackberry jam” colored sheets.  I plan on finding some smaller  beaded pillows with jam purple in them to throw on there, too. 
There is a door to the back deck in my bedroom, and it’s basically a large window.  Another matching window, but not a door, is next to it, so together they look like French doors.  For privacy I’ll need window treatments, and I’ve found some cool drapes and shears at IKEA to match my green and purple theme.  Also – and I love this – the black curtain rod I found is ornamented with a fleur de lis on each end!  I can’t wait to hang the curtains and see how it all looks with the drapes.  Also, I found a couple of iron fleur de lis coat hooks at the little store where I found the antique dresser.  They are about  5-6 inches high, are very weathered looking, and they look great staggered on the wall next to my closet.  I think they will be a great place to hang my bathrobe or maybe a belt or two.   It’s a far flashier color scheme than I’ve ever used, but so far the colors and all the little touches look great!  I’m not super-girly, but I’m finding it’s fun to make a pretty space for myself. 

Today is the day I really dig in and pack stuff up to bring over there.  Because I have to pare down, I’m only bringing essentials over.  The rest will go to Goodwill and the dump.  I’ve got a girlfriend coming over to help me pack.  (She insisted – says she’s good at it!)  Later Scott will help me haul stuff.  It’s only a short distance away, so I can use my own car for a lot of this.  Surprising how much you can fit inside and on top of a Subaru Forester!  I felt like I was part of the Clampett family yesterday coming back from the antique store and then IKEA.  :)  In any case whatever’s too big will get moved by a rented truck and some friends’ strong backs next weekend.

Well, I’d better get on it.  Daylight’s burning.

Encouraging words

Don’t worry-

Taking the high road will feel good eventually;  it always does.

Be better.  You know better.  Just stretch.  Grow.

You’re good at this.

Just turn away from the odyssey.

Don’t feed the flames.

Not even your own.

Be calm.

Let it go.

And go toward what’s right.

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

Kee-yaw, but I scared the heck out of one of the owners of my company this morning!  I had ridden my bike to work and because it was raining out, I decided to bring my bike inside to store in my cubicle before heading over to the gym next door to shower.  I didn’t expect to bump into anyone in MY cube so early in the morning, but I was surprised myself when I nudged someone just as I  pushed the bike past the cube wall.  I heard Cathy let out a startled yelp just before I saw her surprised expression.  She was standing there with a feathered Mardi Gras mask in her hand, looking sort of sheepish.  Turns out I busted her hanging Mardi Gras decorations in my cube! 

It took me a minute to sort this out in my head, but I quickly remembered that Cathy is aware of a trip I’m planning to go on if I hit my personal sales goals for this quarter, and she wanted to help provide incentive!  My friend, Shellie, and I are going to take a long-talked about trip to New Orleans during the Jazz Heritage Festival in May of this year.   Our sales trainer has been encouraging us sales people to set personal goals above and beyond our quota numbers, and to make it more real and more fun by coming up with a reward for accomplishing those goals.  Makes sense to me! 

He has also encouraged us to tell other people and even include them somehow if we think it will make us work harder.  I figured he was on to something, so I told Shellie that I was ready to take that trip if I hit my personal goal of hitting 130% of my quarterly quota.  Well, she was all for it and immediately started sending me a steady stream of links of places we could stay and things we could do.  The pressure was on to hit that goal, because I couldn’t risk letting Shellie down!

I don’t know how, but that extra pressure HAD to have some influence over my focus or something, because I’m at 110% of my quarterly  PERSONAL goal right now, and it’s only February 1st!  We are definitely going – and boy are we excited!  Just one more sale before the end of March will do it.  I think I need to set some supplementary goals to keep this drive going!  I want to visit my family in the heart of Cajun Country, too, so I will need to earn a little more for that part of the trip.

I’ve wanted to go to the Jazz Heritage Festival since my early 20’s.  This is going to be a dream come true, and I can’t wait to “pass a good time, cher!”

Lunch Surprises

Today I went home for lunch, so I could eat cheaply and surprise my dog with a mid-day walk down to the little park near our house.  I got a few surprises of my own when I when I walked into my kitchen to make a burrito.  I found one of the stove burners on underneath a pot which had obviously been used to make poached eggs. 

Now, not only did I not leave any burners on, I did not even make eggs this morning.  I distinctly remember enjoying a toasted bagel and some yogurt with my kids.  So it looks like my ex decided to come in and have breakfast on the house before attempting to burn it down. 

I turned the burner off and cleaned up the mess before getting out the ingredients for a quick bean burrito.  I’m talking microwave-quick, so I could hurry up and get out with Molly and maybe have time to play with my camera, too, during my one hour lunch break. 

Well, that was the plan, anyway.  When I opened the microwave to put my burrito in, I found a bowl of…well, a bowl of something.  I recognized penne noodles,  along with chicken and some other unidentifiable things in it – I’m not sure what you call it.  Just another lunch break surprise left for me by my ex, sitting there looking congealed and smelling disgusting.  It was there for me to clean up, obviously, so I did - gagging and cursing a bit under my breath. 

Finally I made, heated and ate my burrito, then took off out the door with Molly and my camera.  I knew I didn’t have as much time at this point, but I went for it anyway, since it was a warm and dry day and I often stay late and come in early to get things done at work.  Molly and I had a fairly nice time, which in this beautiful Spring-like weather, was no surprise.

Here are a few pictures: