I swore I'd never do it again...

...but my kids begged and begged until I rather spontaneously gave in and and went to the humane society, ostensibly, to "look."  But we didn't just look.  I wound up falling for and adopting some grown kitties for them last weekend.  I found myself a little shocked at what I had done, considering how much I had been against this for so long.  I just hadn't wanted more to look after.  Yet, here we are with two new family members, and my kids are so delighted.

Turns out they are really nice cats who have shown no bad habits since they've been here for about a week.  They always use the litter box, and as was promised, Stella scoops it twice a day.  They scratch their scratch pads only and play with their toys.  The kids are enjoying them so well, and don't ask me to be on the computer nearly as much as they had been, because they play with the cats so much.  And they have been great about feeding, watering and brushing the cats, too.

Each cat has its own unique personality and good looks.  Cassie is all black, very elegant, and is very, very sweet.  Her personality reminds me of my cat, Leonard, in that she likes to be near us, usually finding a spot to hang out within close proximity of anyone reading or watching tv on the sofa.  She's very mellow, and was completely unphased by our black lab, Molly, when they met.  Also like Leonard, she doesn't climb all over you to show affection;  she simply gives you a gentle head-butt from time to time.  Did I mention she's elegant, gorgeous and very fluffy and soft?  I really, really like her. 

Roger, the grey and white kitty, is younger and more active.  He is somewhat aloof and independent, except when someone provides something to chase.  Then he's wants to be wherever you are with the toy.  At 2 years old, he is still very playful and entertains the kids endlessly!  And, I think he is starting to warm up to us more, too, and he's quite handsome himself.  Neither of them seem to mind being inside all the time, which I'm glad of, since they really need to be at home here for awhile.

My only bad feelings about this decision are that I put the cart before the horse when I impulsively adopted these cats. I had a brief conversation, some months ago with the property manager of the house I rent, in which he said he could ask the owners if it was alright to have cats.  I was just testing the waters, still not really keen on actually getting cats, though I was being pressured by my children.  He never said yes, and I should have waited till I talked with him again, and obtained permission.  I feel badly that I acted impulsively and then had to call him after the fact to ask if what I had done was ok.  I put him on the spot, and I'm not proud of that.  Not sure what I was thinking.  When I called to tell him what I'd done, he did say it was ok and was very nice about it, but I think he felt resentful that I had handled it that way.  I certainly don't blame him for that.  To make it worse, this is a friend - the father of one of Stella's good friends from school.  He's someone I respect and really like.  I felt very relieved that he let me slide by allowing the cats, because I knew how disappointed the kids would be if we couldn't keep them, but I am ashamed of myself all the same.

Today he let me know via text that he was surprised I had two.  The Monday after I got them, I called him to tell him about both, but apparently I wasn't clear, so I've got a knot in my stomach about that now, too.   I've confirmed that there are, indeed, two, and that they are well-behaved, but he hasn't responded back to me to let me know if everything is still OK.  I hate this awkwardness, and feel I don't have a leg to stand on in defending my actions.  I wish I could have a do-over.

How can pretty, fun creatures like these represent so much agony in my heart right now?



Stella named her "Cassandra," and we also call her "Cassie."



Her fur has been shaved on her back near her tail, because she had wounds which needed treatment.

Cassie LOVES these little furry balls with the tinsel sticking out.

Starting to get frisky with it...

POUNCE!

"What's that noise?"

Love her big, gold eyes. 

This is Roger, whom Stella also named.

I need to trim Roger's collar.  He has quite the intense look, doesn't he?

I'm so grateful that both of these characters really love these scratch pads.

Handsome boy relaxing on my bed for the first time, today.

This is my favorite photo of Roger.  Notice how my bedspread pattern looks like kitty head, and the green matches his eyes!

First Dance

Stella got all prettied up for her first dance tonight. She and her Dad have a date to the Daddy/Daughter Dance at the Southwest Community Center. They joined her two best friends and their dads for a masquerade ball and other fun. I can't believe how much Stella's growing up. She looked lovely tonight and so did her friends. All beautiful, wonderful girls. The dads all looked handsome and proud - and they rode off together in style! 





Christmas Eve Meditation

It's hard to believe it's already this time of year again.  My children are dressed in their new jammies, as is our tradition on Christmas Eve, and are now in bed, hoping to fall asleep easily, so they can hurry up and wake to a magical Christmas morning.  I've still got a few items to wrap, and tuck under the tree before I head off to sleepy land myself to try and get some rest before enjoying their glowing faces over my coffee mocha and peppermint in the morning.

I'm a little tired right now, since it's been a long week of 12 hours work-days and then last minute shopping each evening, but I feel peaceful and calm tonight. Besides the hubbub of the commercialism of modern Christmas, I've also been witness to a true miracle recently when my friend's fiance came back from near death to be able to be able to raise and nurture her infant daughter with him.  I'm still wrapped up in the wonder of it all, and can feel my love for everyone and everything radiating outward. I hope I can stay here in this space for a long while.

While sitting cross legged wrapping presents on the tile floor of my cool bedroom in the daylight basement of my new house tonight, I found I can distract myself from the chill and my sore hips by naming and ruminating on the recent goodness in my life.  My recent trip to Chicago was an absolute treat. It's a beautiful city, filled with outstanding architectural specimens, great music, wonderful theater, art and a sense of community that's surprising for such a large place.  I loved it there.  The people were so warm and friendly - and so down to earth. If it weren't for the brutal winter weather and the lack of mountains, I'd consider moving there someday.  As it stands, I'm happy to make a few more visits if I can!

Most special to me about that trip was the chance to extend into a deeper relationship with my friend, Vincent and his wife, Jennifer.  I really like both of them very much, and I feel I've moved past an online acquaintance and into a more meaningful friendship with Vincent, and that is more valuable than anything else to me.  People matter, and the more people I can love and be loved by, the richer I am.  I'm grateful and humbled to have such wonderful people as my friends.  They make me smile and I feel hopeful for what else is in store in this life.

If it weren't enough to grow in friendship with Vincent and Jennifer, I also had the lucky chance to meet their friends, the Parkers, who were in Chicago on a pleasure trip from Michigan. They were celebrating the occasion of their son, Mason's, birthday with a complete change of scene.   Lisa, Scott and their three kids are a joy to be around.  Just lovely people and an inspiring family.  They are all so respectful of one another's individual natures, and I can feel the love between them.  I understand why Vincent wanted me to meet them, and feel ever so grateful that he suggested that if I came to his play (which was fantastic!), I should come on the weekend the Parkers would be in town.  I think Vincent likes to bring people together, and he seems to have a knack for it!  I enjoy Lisa's warmth and intelligence, and Scott's gracious, calm (and calming) demeanor.  The kids were lovely and obviously well-loved.  I want to introduce mine to them, and may have a chance this coming Summer, when the Parkers, Vincent and Jennifer all plan to try to make it here to Portland for a little vacation.  There's also a chance I will head to Michigain with my kids and visit them this Summer.  We're all scheming!  We can't let this wonderful new friendship shrivel from lack of nurturing!

More recently and locally, I've been able to commune with my stepdaughter from my marriage to Ron.  Sarah and her Swedish boyfriend, Alex, came to have dinner with Ron (who came over and cooked), the kids and I last night, and I enjoyed their company so well.  Sarah has really grown up a lot and is so sweet.  Alex is warm and confident, and I feel he is a good person.  We played Portland-opoly and I took pictures of our fun time together.  It's been awhile since we've been able to enjoy Sarah's company, since she was traveling so much in the last couple of years, and was also just being an independent teenager hanging out with her friends, so it was especially nice to break bread, drink some wine and laugh with family - even extended family and a former husband.  I'm grateful that we can be civil and laugh together with our children and be loving to each other in our current lives.

When I look at these photos, I can see how much my children are growing, and it reminds me to enjoy them now, while they still want to spend time with me.  I'm so grateful for their love and their health.  They are a gift I treasure, especially when I remember to be present to what's important in my life now.  I want to go snuggle with each of them right now, but I need to finish up wrapping up their Christmas surprises.  I'll close with a few shots of their sweet faces.

So much love in my life!

Peppermint and Beef Jerky...

These are the two items I decided to bring with me for sustenance when I went hiking on Saturday, along with my cannister of water.  I had been thinking about my Granddad, and I did this to honor him.  It's what he always carried, if he carried nothing else when we went hiking back when I was a kid. 

I fondly recall us taking off for impromptu hikes, stopping first to fill his waist pack with peppermints, which were ever-present in one of the house candy jars, and beef jerky, which there always seemed to be a good supply of in my Grandparent's home.  Once we had hiked a good while and reached a proper rest stop with a view, we'd break out the goodies and soak it all in.  It was always stunning.  Either an eagle's view of a valley below us, or a view of an cold, clear alpine lake, or simply an amazing stand of aspen during the change of season when they were all gold and flickering.  After chatting a bit, Granddad would always take a catnap (with a smile on his face!), and I'd explore the vicinity.  I can't eat either peppermint or beef jerky without thinking of those good times - and wanting to get out to the mountains.

Granddad must have been with me yesterday, because good things started happening right away.  Things that reminded me of him.  First of all was the great sale on one of my favorite brands of jerky - the luck!  Then, on my way out of Gresham on Hwy 26, I saw this old, but great looking, '70-something Datsun pickup that was so similar to the one he and I beat around in on the backroads and dirt roads on our way to trailheads in the mountains near Durango, Colorado in the '70's.  The only differences were the color (Grandad's was blue, and this one was a bright orange), the OPB and NRDC bumper stickers, and the camper shell on this fabulous orange version.  The one I saw on Saturday looked like this:

I took it as an omen for a great day.  I drove along with a big 'ol smile on my face.  And I smiled even more broadly when I got a peek a the driver.  What a character!  Must have been in her late 60's or early 70's - with bright white hair tied in a colorful bandana, silver bangles on her wrist and this fantastic blue denim oxford shirt, that was exactly like the ones my grandad used to wear!  She's was enjoying music and tapping in rythym on her rear view mirror.  She was beautiful!  I had to compliment her rig when we were stopped at a red light in Sandy.  She loved hearing it, and seemed to enjoy the story behind my admiration, too.  I wish I could have a cup of coffee with this woman to get to know her better.  There was just something about her.  I had happy thoughts revolving around her and how I want to live my life all the way up to the mountain.

After a brief and accidental side trip out Lolo Pass Road (and stunning views of Mt. Hood!), I finally found my way up to the Top Spur Trailhead.  I parked, got my pack on, called Molly and headed up the Top Spur trail, on my way to the Timberline trail.   I found myself huffing and puffing a bit.  I'm not in the shape I'd like to be in this Summer.  I started to take a break, but then remembered Granddad encouraging me to go a little further all those many years ago.  He'd tell me to hum a song or think of something else to keep my mind off my steps.    If we kept stopping, we'd never get to our real rest stop, he'd say.  Again, I smiled, remembering his advice, and I hummed myself along.  And I marvelled at the wildflowers along the way, trying to remember their names.  Granddad almost always knew, and if he ever didn't, we'd be looking them up in his field guide on wildflowers, which he'd nearly always have with him. 

There were plenty of wildflowers on this hike.  So many it surprised me.  At first I saw mostly Trillium and the remains of Bunchberry, but I also saw a few Indian Paintbrush. As I got out of the trees, I found I was walking through tons more bright red Indian Paintbrush, lots of purple spears of Mountain Lupine, bright and beautiful Leopard Lillies, Foxgloves and something I later learned is called Alpine Fawn Lillies, or possibly also called Avalanche Lillies!  I had to use the internet for that one, because I don't actually own a wildflower field guide.  There was also Beargrass in abundance, still not fully bloomed.  As I climbed higher, I saw Glacier Lillies and Mariposa Lillies.  I couldn't help but think about how much Grandad would have enjoyed this day full of color and stunning vistas!

I had planned to go to a spot I hiked to last Summer, but I took the "wrong" trail and ended up hiking much farther.  I'm so glad for this happy accident, because if I hadn't "messed up," I would never have seen the beautiful streams with lush green moss and other plants, and I would have missed the the giant, and very stunning rockslide.  Most importantly, my mistake led me to the most beautiful meadow I've seen in a long while, with lovely shallow ponds, which were not only lined with bright green delicate grass, but reflected the mountain beautifully.  It was a sight which brought tears to my eyes. 

The sun was getting too low in the sky to go further, so I took off my pack, sat down and enjoyed this jewel of a place.  And I savored my jerky with the warm sun on my shoulders, then chased that with a pretty little peppermint candy, while Molly explored the vicinity.  I shared some jerky with Molly, too.  Then I closed my eyes and I smiled. 

Then I said outloud, "Thank you,for sharing the best things with me, Granddad."

Renewal

Shadows move swiftly across the sage-dotted, red, rolling earth.  They chase tempestuous clouds which roil and wrestle in the sky, like a dusty swarm of warriors battling in a vast bright blue field.  Jumbles of basalt jut out over rivers and streams, vexed and swelling with the first evidence of snow leaving the mountain tops.  Ravens tumble and turn together against this striking backdrop.  The drama of Spring is unfolding in the high desert.

I took the kids out to enjoy the wonderful change of both scene and season earlier this week.  The four of us went to Kah-Nee-Ta  for a few days to play together and rejuvenate our little family.  We hiked in the desert in the morning and swam in pools heated by natural hot springs all afternoon.  We read books by the giant fireplace, watched movies in our room at night, and we went to sleep together in our two super-comfy king sized beds.  But I alone woke early and sat out on the balcony to enjoy some peaceful solitude over a cup of coffee and some truly glorious high desert sunrises.  This really is becoming a beautiful tradition.

(Feel free to click on any pics you want to see larger.)